A Mother's Love
by Veilwuarrah
Summary: Magic awakens. Little Merlin learns something about himself. Hunith tries to write a letter. Oneshot. Before it all began.


**This surprised even me. The idea came to me last night on the ride on the bus and once I got home, I sat down and wrote wrote wrote. A little different then the rest. Hope you like it. Reviews are most welcome! I'd really like to know what you think. (Yes, work in progress for "Growing Secrets". I haven't forgotten :)**

**Enjoy~ **

**.*.**

Merlin didn't remember, but Hunith did: The day he began to change.

Knowing and understanding aren't the same thing. That day, Merlin didn't just _know_, he began to _understand_.

She would warn him, she would reprehend him, she would ask him to be careful and more often then she cared to admit, she would end up scolding him; because he was a child like any other with only play and mischief on his mind.

They lived near the border, and as a remote village as it was, news still did travel, and the graver the news, the faster it traveled. "The purge", they called it, and even before knowing what it truly was, they all knew it promised little good for some people. Those that used magic were condemned to death by the rules of Camelot, and however Ealdor was not in the Pendragon territory, it was still close to the border.

Hunith knew. Oh, she knew it well, for she had suffered because of it; she still was afraid because of it. She learnt early, that it didn't matter much where the line had been drawn among the lands of kings, when ignorance and hatred could leap right through them, to reach and grasp and destroy what they wanted, uncaring about the damages done along the way.

Balinor left in the darkness of the night. She understood he had to leave. She had wanted to go with him, but the man didn't want to endanger her life.

In the morning she woke to an empty bed; an empty house; and an empty heart. She still remembered the feel of his rushed farewell kiss; still heard the knight's shouts as they took chase after the man, she cared so much about. She could only _hope_ he was well; she could only _dream_ to see him again one day; she could only _cry_ for days.

Until she realized the gift that man had given her, and left with her. She knew she cannot keep up with grieving, for she will have other duties soon.

She knew, she was going to be a mother.

.*.

"When will you understand that not everyone can do what you do?! You aren't like them! Why do you have to make it so hard?" - The little boy didn't reply, as his mother continued to wrap the bandage over his bruised knee.

None knew exactly what had happened, but it involved a wagon packed with hay, some tools for working the fields that somehow moved on their own, a pair of startled horses; and said wagon _somehow_ falling over onto some people that happened to be there.

They were only playing. None meant any harm. But the jest took a turn for the worse and now there were some very confused people and some injured ones as well. Only Merlin and Will knew what exactly happened, and Hunith, well, she had a pretty good guess. _How could she not?_

The young woman was upset at the mischief, but deep down she was afraid for her son; however for now, the anger got the better of her and that's what little Merlin saw on his mother's face as she focused to mend to his injuries. Her words echoes in him. A little different this time and thinking back to what happened something started to form in his child's mind.

And somehow he knew, that those words meant something; something else; something that was about more then just a wagon of hay and some startled horses. It was about his playmates, _other people_ getting hurt because of a joke gone wrong. It was about _him_, of what he was born with, of what made him different then the rest of the kids in Ealdor; probably the whole kingdom and who knows, even further than that. And in his mind it started to take shape of just what the meaning of it all is.

He couldn't put it into words, but he felt it. Deep down he felt it well; and his clear blue eyes filled with tears.

And Merlin cried.

Hunith looked at her son with a sort of worry.

"Does it hurt that much?" – she asked more softly, but the boy just shook his head with a great sniff of his runny nose while looking at her and continued to cry.

The young woman let out a sigh and finished up bandaging the skinny boys wounds, then still kneeling down she ran her hands along her son's shoulders and arms and gently held his elbows.

"Merlin, what's wrong?" – she tried again, but the boy just cried and cried, and as a mother knows their child's cry she realized it was something else then the bruises.

"Merlin?.." – she tried to call out to him even more calmly and pleading while fondling his ever reddening cheek. Had him blow his runny nose into a handkerchief, telling him everything is fine, but to no avail.

The small boy shut his eyes as tears soaked his face and held his hands clenched in fists to his chest and leaned forward somewhat and just cried with heart wrenching wails.

Hunith got off the ground and picked up her son in her arms and held him in an embrace, close to her heart, but it did little help.

Merlin cried and would shake and cough when he ran out of breath then start all over again and there was no reasoning with him, even though Hunith walked up and down in their home, whispering to him, rocking him, trying to calm him.

Eventually she sat on the side of the bed with the boy in her arms, still crying; cradling him.

"It's alright.." – she kept whispering and caressing his back. A thought starting to form in her as well, as to just why her little boy was in such distress, and upon realizing it even her own eyes got moist, but she didn't let it overwhelm her, she couldn't afford to. She just continued to try as best as she could and soothe the pain in her child, she now knew had nothing to do with the bump on his head or the bruises on his knees, it just wasn't of anything physical that could be healed with ointments.

It was the magic in him.

It cried, and he cried; because Merlin realized that he is one of a kind and no matter how many people he will meet along the journey of his life, he will always be different; he will always be special and above all, he will always feel alone and separated from the rest of the kids, rest of the people.

So incredibly alone.

.*.

"Hunith?" – the door creaked open slightly after a quiet knock.

"Come in, Nan." – she whispered from beside the fireplace, where she's been sitting, thoughts wandering to look for a solution. The old woman entered the house peering around until her eyes landed on the sleeping Merlin, now breathing calmly.

"I heard crying" – she said in a whisper.

"Oh, probably just the fright of the events. He just fell asleep." – the young woman smiled faintly. The dim light coming from the fireplace made her features look tired.

"Peculiar boy that is.." – Nan said looking at the black haired child still leaning on her walking-stick. - "He seems so much more sensitive then the rest of the children."

"Oh, Nan, he is only five years old.."

"Will isn't all that older, and he fell asleep quite a while ago without much of a fuss."

"Not all children are the same." – the young mother remarked and she felt herself getting irked a bit. She knew the old woman meant no harm, yet she found herself getting defensive whenever someone would point out differences between Merlin and other children, and finding things odd about him.

"Of course. You are right, Hunith. It would be rather boring that way" – she said and chuckled to herself. – "Well, I'll be on me way then. Just wanted to check if you are alright." – the visitor said and made her way to the door once again.

"Thank you, Nan." - Hunith smiled as she stood to see her quest out.

"Oh, before I forget, Balen is going to town tomorrow, anything you need?"

"Uhm.. no. Thank you." – the young woman shook her head after a moment thought.

"Alright, good night, dear." – she said and left.

"Good night, Nan." - Hunith locked the door once the old woman left and turned towards the bed.

_The town.. _she thought.

.*.

The young woman sat to the table with the intention of writing a letter to a friend.

She noted down the title and started writing, but only had a few lines on the page when she stopped. She reread it; It sounded off, very off and without a point, but she needed it to sound perfect, she needed to compose it well. Hunith crumpled the parchment and tossed it into the fire, thinking what a waste it was, as paper wasn't as easy to come by; and it wasn't cheap either.

She thought for a moment then picked up the quill again. Her hand paused for a second above the parchment then she started to write again. This time however her son's movement distracted her. Looking over to the bed and she saw the ruffled black flocks peering out from under the blanket and the boy moved and rolled to his other side, turning towards her; still sleeping and muttered something into his dream. Hunith smiled looking at him. So precious he was to her heart. He was all she had in the world, since his father had to flee. Looking at his features she spotted little bits that resembled him; of what she could remember from the ever fading memories.

He thought of him at times, but it saddened her heart, so she didn't let herself ponder about it long. Seeing her child grow, she sometimes noted the things she remembered from him, most of all she remarked, Merlin too, had a certain fire in him, something that was different than the magic, something that was still at slumber, and she could feel, one day would wake. It was a mere feeling on her part, but she knew that was the most important thing he inherited from his father, however she couldn't name it, what it was.

She smiled at her son and turned back to compose her letter.

_"My dear Gaius.."_

But just then Merlin stirred again and this time with a slight whimper.

Motherly instinct got her looking at her offspring again and with a heavy heart she noticed the small wet glimmer hiding between his eyelashes.

She put the quill down and approached the bed, kneeling again beside the bed, she lovingly caressed her son's head.

His brows furrowed and he mumbled something yet again that trailed off to a whimper.

"It's okay Merlin.. It's okay.." – she whispered and leaned to kiss him, then continued to caress his head with slow gentle strokes until the creases on his forehead smoothed and he was sleeping peacefully once again.

Time lost value, and she didn't know how long she knelt there, looking over him. Her feet were a little numb when she stood up.

With determination she went back to the table to finish composing her letter.

_"My dear Gaius, _

_I turn to you for I feel lost and alone and don't know who to trust. It is every mother's fate to think her child is special, and yet I would give my life that Merlin were not so. Ours is a small village and he is so clearly at odds with people here that, if he were to remain, I fear what would become of him.."_

Something stopped her and she looked at her child again. He was sleeping peacefully. So small, so innocent.

_No.. Its too soon, hes far too young.. _– she thought to herself.

Looking at the parchment she pondered her options. It would be for the best; it would do him good; it would keep him safe.. even if so far from her..

She then folded the letter in two. She felt it in her heart that her son was destined for greater things then the life of a peasant, but he was just a small child. He will have to leave eventually..

_Some day. One day. But not now.._


End file.
